Leisure Activities
Often a couple find that they have very different interests, and that they don’t really enjoy each other’s activities. A young man may be very interested in sport, and have a commitment to a tennis club which is long-standing, and which involves quite a lot of socializing after matches. His new partner may find this very boring, and wishes that he would join her on shopping trips instead, an activity which he finds uninteresting.
The two competing interests each form a kind of triangle for the relationship, and the problem may become so acute that it jeopardizes the relationship. The answer is to discuss the competing interests as a couple, trying to find a compromise which suits both partners. This could take the form of a timetable, in which both partners agree to give up some of their leisure activities for the sake of the relationship. If this cannot be done, and if both the activities annoy the opposite partner too much, they should perhaps think about the future of the relationship before they enter into too deep a commitment together.
Friends
Similar problems can arise with friends of both partners. If Partner A cannot get along with Partner B’s friends, a decision may have to be made, as with the problem with parents, as to which relationship Partner B is most committed to, and he/she will have to make arrangements to reduce the conflict, perhaps by meeting the friends without the partner or by dropping the friends for the partner’s sake.
Work Problems
Some jobs are very demanding, and one partner may be in such a job, with the need to work long hours or to spend time on long business trips, with no possibility of changing this without loss of earnings or damage to their career. However, the other partner may resent the time that their partner spends at work, and once again a triangle has formed which causes tension in the relationship.
The person with the absorbing job may find it hard to understand why the other partner can’t accept the importance of his/her career, while the other partner finds it hard to see why the demands of the job are given such high priority. Again the solution will depend on how important each partner rates the relationship and the job. There isn’t always an easy solution, but talking and trying to understand each other is the best that can be done.
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